This blog post is inspired by the song "fat funny friend" by Maddie Zahm. This song perfectly encapsulates the experience of being the fat funny friend through its lyrics and shows the emotions of sadness and frustration through the instrumental and tone of the singer. This post will break down what this song means to me and my experiences as a “fat funny friend.” Please note that this is an opinion piece, and everything written here is based off of my experience and interpretation of the song. I am not claiming that the statements below are facts.
"I'm just the best friend in Hollywood movies…I'll wait for my cue to be comedic relief” (Maddie Zahm)
I'm not the main character...I'm the fat funny friend. This feels like being a side character in your own life. Like someone else is the main character and I exist to assist them. During conversations with friends you find yourself invalidating your problems or whats going on in your life and not talking about it out of fear of what your friends will think. It's almost like I invalidate myself because the fat funny friend isn't allowed to have problems. Our job is to be comedic relief and make jokes to brighten up the mood.
"Can't be to loud” (Maddie Zahm)
I get in my own head after the fact and worry that I was too loud or acting obnoxious, and wish I never talked in the first place. I am terrified of being viewed as I the annoying fat girl and have a habit of beating myself up when I don't like the way I acted during a social interaction. It’s a double standard though. We all know that skinny, pretty, conventionally attractive girl who is always the loudest person in the room, but it is okay because she is also the prettiest. But if a girl who is a bit overweight and average looking is the loudest person in the room she is perceived as annoying and obnoxious.
"Can't think I'm pretty” (Maddie Zahm)
I’m not really sure how to explain this one without sounding conceited but also self deprecating and maybe a bit crazy. Basically I’m just in my head all the time. I feel like I can never just be. Sometimes I think I look gross and am mad at myself for not doing my hair or putting on some makeup before I left home. Other times I think I’m the hottest girl ever then feel guilty for thinking I’m pretty then just feel weird and want to put on an oversized sweatshirt. I don't know how to take a compliment because I find myself thinking that they only complimented me because they feel bad for me because I look bad (or the opposite of whatever the complement was). Which I know is a bit much, but I can't help it's just the devil on my shoulder's reaction to a compliment.
"It's funny when I think a guy likes me” (Maddie Zahm)
Again with the sounding self deprecating but…this one pretty much explains itself. Why would this guy like me? I’m not attractive. It's pretty simple - the fat funny friend doesn’t get the guy, watch any more ever made and you’ll see. And I don’t want to make my crushes or infatuations a thing with my friends because I have a feeling it will end with me getting embarrassed. I am worried my friends will find it funny if I think that a guy likes me or if I have a crush on a guy thats way out of my league. It's not like my friends have ever given me reason to think like this because they haven't; I'm just in my own head.
The Million Dollar Question: Do my friends view me as the fat funny friend?
I can't read minds, so I guess I'll never know the answer. Which only leaves me with more questions...
Is this just a dramatic way of thinking?
Am I being too self deprecating?
Do people who know me think I’m the fat funny friend?
Is being the fat funny friend really a bad thing?
I don't know the answers, but at least we got a good song to jam out/cry to. It could be worse...the song could be bad.
Comments